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Navigating the Grocery Store
Here’s a quick guide to the apparently little-known signals that distinguish a closed register and an open one at your local grocery store.
- Look at the goddamned fucking light. If it is on, the lane is open! If not, the lane is closed.
If you’re still uncertain, here are some other tips.
- If I’m smiling charmingly and beckoning you to put your shit on my belt, I’m probably ready to take your order.
- If I’m counting pennies in my drawer three feet away from the register, swearing under my breath and eyeing the alcohol aisle, then I’m probably going to stuff my coupon bag down your throat if you ask me to open.
NB: If a lane is not open, consider…
- Not being a douchebag!
- Not deducing that I hate handicapped people!
- …especially when there are no handicapped people around for me to hate anyway!
- Finding another fucking lane because there are fucking eight of them!
Love,
Your Cashier
(who has had a long friggen shift)
